A Sure and Effective Cure for Romance

A Sure and Effective Cure for Romance
is never to take your girl to a dance
Never take her out to dine
and never be in bed by nine
Flowers are fine as long as they're dead
and don't go giving her breakfast-in-bed
Valentine's Day is to be neglected
(remember it once and it's always expected)
Never buy perfume for birthday's and such
even sending a card is a little too much
Lingeire is totally off the list
and anniversaries should always be missed
If you happen to be caught in an amorous clench
then a kiss is okay, but Liverpool, not French
If she seems to be getting a little bit frisky
say that in this day and age sex is too risky

Remember to keep these rules clear in your head
and follow them closely, both single and wed
For if you happen to be maritally cursed
the rules still apply, but apply in reverse

The Humble Bumble

It comes as no coincidence
That there are frequent incidents
Of mistaking the identity
Of one or other Bumble Bee

They Buzz alike and are striped alike
Their wings - and the way they fly, alike
Their habits too are similar
Moving from Stock to Rose to Primula

Though it causes great confusion
The Bumbles in their profusion
Roll out of the Bumble Bee factory
Resembling each other exactly

It sets my mind to spinning
To think that in the beginning
A single Bumble prototype
Means all future Bees look alike

So next when in your garden
Say 'I beg your Pardon'
And ask one Bumble or another
'Is that you, or is that your brother?'

$1300 Later

A tisket a tasket
I've blown a Head Gasket
A tasket a tisket
My Car's had the Biscuit

Compact Granny

We bought a brand new sofa bed
One with a metal action
When Grandma was asleep on it
We closed it up...compaction!